I need a higher dose of my meds…but can’t afford them at the moment. I hope I get them with the tricare I’m about to start getting. So I’m still swingy mood wise but not as bad nor as violent. I haven’t thrown my phone once since I got it!  I’ve got a ton of anxiety though piled on me. The search for a new apartment is nerve wracking. I need one in our price range but hopefully not one that will get us robbed or car broken in or what not. I was going to move next to Carol…but she’s moving! We might stay out here…move a little closer in town maybe? The wedding is pretty good. Got invitations out. I’m a mess though all around. This apartment thing is super stressful and just…argh!

Also…what do I really want to do with my life? I’m scared finance won’t work out. I’m worried I’ll hate it. I want something that I’m passonate about but that makes a good living. Argh argh argh.

I was watching Sex in the City tonight and I realized how each character had a style that reflects their identity. When I was a little girl it was easy, purple and horses. Easy. For awhile I was sorta goth and that worked. Now, I’m pretty lost. I. Want designer hand bags and stupidly uncomfortable shoes. I’m so not there financially. I’m at a total loss with my hair. I’m all over the place. No, style isn’t everything but what you put out there should speak about you. I don’t have a me. I want a me. I’m getting tired of pink and even Hello Kitty. Still love the Kitty but I’m sick of the rut. I want to grow up. I feel sick to my stomach thinking about it. It makes me nervous. I’m not taking care of myself. I don’t get dressed for anything. Jeans and a tshirt always is not working anymore. I’m trapped in nothingness and I’m at such a loss. I want to be pretty but how? Its become ‘when I lose weight I’ll have a style’ but being fat and mopeing and waiting isn’t getting anywhere. I don’t fix my hair or wear makeup. What the fuck do I like?!?!

• Who wastes ammo on a 2 point buck? My boss does thats who. #
• All i really want to do is make crafty stuff. #
• I think im going to try and make soap sometime soon #

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• Hate. My. Job. #

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• I have a phone back mine broke #

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• I’m late for a very important date. Were not talking about it right now. #

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• I’m broke with no more gas to get either of us to work and payroll is going to be late. #

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• Um so clean house or play with doll? Doll…definitely #
• We have no power at work and are using portapotties and you’re gonna lecture me about wearing my jeans with the frazzled ends?! Seriousl … #
• Fell asleep at work, drooled on the bank statements #

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• No power at work! Why are we here if there is no power #
• I’m at work doing filing because there is no power. This is fucking stupid #

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• Melotron is coming! Whee! Oh and I have no lights. Freaking sucks! #
• We has powerz! #
• Please please let there be no work tomorrow!! #

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